Grieving heart

Hello Readers,

It has been a while as been I’ve had tough couple of months, This will be a tough topic as everyone go through grief some point in their lives. My Nan lost her battle with Pancreatic cancer, on 7th April 2018, I didn’t find out how bad it was 9 days before she passed as Nan rang me to tell me that she in hospice and I knew in a second that it was bad.  I would spend nearly everyday at the hospice just to spend as much with her and make last moments with her.

I was very close to her, Nan wasn’t just my grandmother, She was my best friend, like a mother to me, my rock, my inspirational, my guardian angel.

My Nan brought me up first 8 years of my life. they were the happiest times of my life, as I would go to places with her and made so many memories even though my mother, is a jealously person she didn’t like the fact I was close with her that why she stopped the contact with my Nan and caused so much trouble with alot of people and myself, this is why I don’t speak to her.

I’m struggling with the grief as I’m missing my Nan so much, been having many days where I want to be reunited with her. Truth is I feel lost without her, Its like a part of me been took away and find it hard to cope the pain knowing she isn’t here anymore.

I just wish I could see her one more time, hug me so tight and tell me everything will be okay. I miss her giving me advice, miss our fortnightly lunch and shopping, miss her being there when I’m really ill, I miss her helping me out as she understood my needs, I miss her for believing in myself even though I struggling to believe in myself.

I’ve always looked up to her as she understood me very well, we did have our moments where we didn’t talk but we would patch things up. I would do anything to bring her home again.

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My nan was well loved, caring, down to heart, traditional and would do anything for people.

There not a day, I don’t think of her and listen to her favourite songs but I will do my hardest to keep her memory alive.

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My Nana R.I.P 1947-2018 x x

People say grieving gets easier in time but i feel like its getting worse right now but I’ll get there eventually.

It took me good over two hours to write this as I struggled what to write.

It has been over a year since I’ve made this blog, I’m surprised I’ve kept it going to be honest.

 

with love,you_doodle_2017-05-16t20_15_31z

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Goodbye 2017, Hello 2018.

Hello Everyone,

I hope you all had a great christmas and a new year.

It has been a good few months last time I’ve posted as my mental health haven’t been the best. I had a bad time recently as my manual wheelchair castor came off which I only had it for less than 6 months, still waiting for it to be repaired especially with it being the festive period, the joys being a wheelchair user.

I found out last month somebody I love dearly got cancer, It was hard to accept it first but i will support somebody to kick cancer arse. I’m going to apply the Manchester Half Marathon which is in October. I always wanted to do a marathon since I  was 11 year old and do it for a good cause Macmillan Cancer Support  or Cancer Research UK. I will defiantly will be using my manual often when its repaired and get my arm strength stronger for the marathon.

I haven’t thought about any new year resolutions as I know for a fact I will fail them all, but I know It be another year focusing on myself, make healthy choices (from tomorrow), exercise more often, try my best to think positive (I struggle with this), hopefully i will start physio some point and hopefully I’ll pass my maths and english in summer time.

I had good few memories in 2017 I will never forget –

  • My unicorn tattoo

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    my unicorn tattoo
  •  Beauty and the Beast tattoo21558697_10155380448575971_7918304000927261410_n
  • When I dressed as Belle for Halloween23213396_10155495095825971_8266828415031166286_o
  • Went to Liverpool in September to meet my Idol Tess Holliday (pictures in my last post)
  • I travelled to London on my own it was a great experience
  • Went to see my 2 of my relatives from Birmingham in August with my Dad and sister

I’m really hoping I will do more blog posts, videos and more travelling this year as I’m still young trying to live my life independently.

I hope you all have a safe and peaceful  2018 also don’t give up on your dreams.

funny new year quotes

With love,

 

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