Grieving heart

Hello Readers,

It has been a while as been I’ve had tough couple of months, This will be a tough topic as everyone go through grief some point in their lives. My Nan lost her battle with Pancreatic cancer, on 7th April 2018, I didn’t find out how bad it was 9 days before she passed as Nan rang me to tell me that she in hospice and I knew in a second that it was bad.  I would spend nearly everyday at the hospice just to spend as much with her and make last moments with her.

I was very close to her, Nan wasn’t just my grandmother, She was my best friend, like a mother to me, my rock, my inspirational, my guardian angel.

My Nan brought me up first 8 years of my life. they were the happiest times of my life, as I would go to places with her and made so many memories even though my mother, is a jealously person she didn’t like the fact I was close with her that why she stopped the contact with my Nan and caused so much trouble with alot of people and myself, this is why I don’t speak to her.

I’m struggling with the grief as I’m missing my Nan so much, been having many days where I want to be reunited with her. Truth is I feel lost without her, Its like a part of me been took away and find it hard to cope the pain knowing she isn’t here anymore.

I just wish I could see her one more time, hug me so tight and tell me everything will be okay. I miss her giving me advice, miss our fortnightly lunch and shopping, miss her being there when I’m really ill, I miss her helping me out as she understood my needs, I miss her for believing in myself even though I struggling to believe in myself.

I’ve always looked up to her as she understood me very well, we did have our moments where we didn’t talk but we would patch things up. I would do anything to bring her home again.

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My nan was well loved, caring, down to heart, traditional and would do anything for people.

There not a day, I don’t think of her and listen to her favourite songs but I will do my hardest to keep her memory alive.

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My Nana R.I.P 1947-2018 x x

People say grieving gets easier in time but i feel like its getting worse right now but I’ll get there eventually.

It took me good over two hours to write this as I struggled what to write.

It has been over a year since I’ve made this blog, I’m surprised I’ve kept it going to be honest.

 

with love,you_doodle_2017-05-16t20_15_31z

Self Love journey

Hello everyone,

It has been a while since I’ve posted anything as I have been busy and done alot of thinking, I am going to discuss about self love.

I’ve always struggled to believe in myself ever since I remember, when I was growing up I went through a lot of abuse, even my mother would put me down quite often for being a big girl and having other issues.

Recently I’m trying to Self Love as I always put everyone else before myself as I like to please people and try my hardest to make them happy. I need to learn I never be a size 8 no matter what how many diets I go, seeing plus size models boosts my confidence and not feeling alone knowing we all come different sizes.

It was a pleasure meeting one of my inspirations Tess Holliday  last month, seeing her makes me accept the fact you don’t need to be a size 8 to be happy and everyone can wear whatever their want even be naked if they wanted.

 

It was actually one of the best days of my life meeting people who are different sizes, I didn’t want the day to end.

 

I’m on a journey to put myself first, focus on my dreams and learn to think positive more often. I go to a support group for survivors every fortnight until February. Hopefully I’ll be a stronger, happier and confident person in next 5 months.

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If people can’t accept and love for who you are, they don’t belong in your life for a reason.

I hope you like my posts, if you do please follow for me, I will appreciate it and will mean alot to me.

 

With Love,you_doodle_2017-05-16t20_15_31z

Manchester Attack 

Hello everyone,

I really needed to talk about this as UK had one of the worst massacre in history especially it happened in Manchester as I live 20 minutes away. All the young people who went to see their idol Ariana grande on Monday night it should have been one of their best nights of their life.

It has took 22 young innocent lives away when they had their life ahead of them , it’s upsetting knowing they should have gone home to their families safely and talking about how much they enjoyed the night. It’s heartbreaking knowing somebody would want to kill young victims for anger when they done nothing wrong.

Seriously there so much hate in the world it’s unreal I do wish there was peace, no wars and no revenge. Power causes problems.

As 2017 the world should be amazing place to  live but there so much hate and evilness especially it has been going on for 1000s & 1000s years
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R.I.P to the young people have lost their lives in a horrible attack

Also hope the ones are injuried will recover.

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It was amazing to see people from the UK and greater Manchester actually helped and support everyone

I can say I’m proud to be from greater Manchester even thought it can be a shithole at times but it’s our home end of the day ❤️🇬🇧🙏
With love,