Grieving heart

Hello Readers,

It has been a while as been I’ve had tough couple of months, This will be a tough topic as everyone go through grief some point in their lives. My Nan lost her battle with Pancreatic cancer, on 7th April 2018, I didn’t find out how bad it was 9 days before she passed as Nan rang me to tell me that she in hospice and I knew in a second that it was bad.  I would spend nearly everyday at the hospice just to spend as much with her and make last moments with her.

I was very close to her, Nan wasn’t just my grandmother, She was my best friend, like a mother to me, my rock, my inspirational, my guardian angel.

My Nan brought me up first 8 years of my life. they were the happiest times of my life, as I would go to places with her and made so many memories even though my mother, is a jealously person she didn’t like the fact I was close with her that why she stopped the contact with my Nan and caused so much trouble with alot of people and myself, this is why I don’t speak to her.

I’m struggling with the grief as I’m missing my Nan so much, been having many days where I want to be reunited with her. Truth is I feel lost without her, Its like a part of me been took away and find it hard to cope the pain knowing she isn’t here anymore.

I just wish I could see her one more time, hug me so tight and tell me everything will be okay. I miss her giving me advice, miss our fortnightly lunch and shopping, miss her being there when I’m really ill, I miss her helping me out as she understood my needs, I miss her for believing in myself even though I struggling to believe in myself.

I’ve always looked up to her as she understood me very well, we did have our moments where we didn’t talk but we would patch things up. I would do anything to bring her home again.


My nan was well loved, caring, down to heart, traditional and would do anything for people.

There not a day, I don’t think of her and listen to her favourite songs but I will do my hardest to keep her memory alive.

My Nana R.I.P 1947-2018 x x

People say grieving gets easier in time but i feel like its getting worse right now but I’ll get there eventually.

It took me good over two hours to write this as I struggled what to write.

It has been over a year since I’ve made this blog, I’m surprised I’ve kept it going to be honest.


with love,you_doodle_2017-05-16t20_15_31z



Hello guys

Sorry I haven’t posted a blog in over two months as I keep telling myself to do it I end up not bothering, finally I made the effort to do a update and what I have been doing over the summer.

Well I can say the weather hasn’t been the best in UK this year but I’ve done few things over the summer. I’ve got a new manual chair which I wanted for years as its easier for me and everyone else to push around, got a unicorn tattoo, went to Manchester comic con, went to London and went to visit some relatives in Birmingham.

Here some photos;

me and my sisters 18th
new manual chair
have to wear glasses for long distance
my two best friends
dressed up as a robin
my unicorn tattoo
me and my bestest


disney store in london
camden town
camden town
stuff I’ve brought
seeing my Grandad first time in 22 years


It was great day to see my Grandad after so long, it feels so good to be a part of a family and not feeling like a black sheep 🙂

I went London on my own as I was meant to meet a friend but things got cancelled for a good reason, but it was a good experience and something different than what I’m used to.

Hoping to go Liverpool in less than two weeks to meet one of my idols which I met nearly 2 years ago. Tess Holliday is a inspirational to me but the last year I’ve knocked my confidence not feeling comfortable in my own skin, I know I never be a skinny girl I just want to able to accept me who I am again.

September 2015 when I met one of my idols, Tess Holiday 🙂


I will try to blog more often and find other stuff to talk about, I really hope you like my latest post and thanks for reading.

With love,you_doodle_2017-05-16t20_15_31z