Grieving heart

Hello Readers,

It has been a while as been I’ve had tough couple of months, This will be a tough topic as everyone go through grief some point in their lives. My Nan lost her battle with Pancreatic cancer, on 7th April 2018, I didn’t find out how bad it was 9 days before she passed as Nan rang me to tell me that she in hospice and I knew in a second that it was bad.  I would spend nearly everyday at the hospice just to spend as much with her and make last moments with her.

I was very close to her, Nan wasn’t just my grandmother, She was my best friend, like a mother to me, my rock, my inspirational, my guardian angel.

My Nan brought me up first 8 years of my life. they were the happiest times of my life, as I would go to places with her and made so many memories even though my mother, is a jealously person she didn’t like the fact I was close with her that why she stopped the contact with my Nan and caused so much trouble with alot of people and myself, this is why I don’t speak to her.

I’m struggling with the grief as I’m missing my Nan so much, been having many days where I want to be reunited with her. Truth is I feel lost without her, Its like a part of me been took away and find it hard to cope the pain knowing she isn’t here anymore.

I just wish I could see her one more time, hug me so tight and tell me everything will be okay. I miss her giving me advice, miss our fortnightly lunch and shopping, miss her being there when I’m really ill, I miss her helping me out as she understood my needs, I miss her for believing in myself even though I struggling to believe in myself.

I’ve always looked up to her as she understood me very well, we did have our moments where we didn’t talk but we would patch things up. I would do anything to bring her home again.

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My nan was well loved, caring, down to heart, traditional and would do anything for people.

There not a day, I don’t think of her and listen to her favourite songs but I will do my hardest to keep her memory alive.

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My Nana R.I.P 1947-2018 x x

People say grieving gets easier in time but i feel like its getting worse right now but I’ll get there eventually.

It took me good over two hours to write this as I struggled what to write.

It has been over a year since I’ve made this blog, I’m surprised I’ve kept it going to be honest.

 

with love,you_doodle_2017-05-16t20_15_31z

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Life in a wheelchair.

Hey everyone,

I thought of doing a post about this last couple of weeks what is it like being a wheelchair as I’ve been in a wheelchair from 2 years old, as I got Cerebral Palsy – Spastic Diplegia . I have a love and hate relationship for being in a wheelchair for nearly 23 years, I do have fun times also bad times too. I have fell out many times and would laugh it off but people in public seem to worry think i’ll need to get checked out but really all I have bruises and small cuts.

I want to mainly to talk about the questions I would get asked by people when I go out in the public

‘is it fun being in a wheelchair?’

‘i wish i was able to sit down not having walk anywhere’

‘ can you have sex even though your legs don’t work?’

‘can you not feel your legs?

I don’t mind kids asking me as they don’t understand as their young but with teenagers and adults, duh how stupid they can be really be as their billion of people in the world have disabilities there are visible and invisible ones.

We all can have sex, we just do it in different ways as we all humans have needs and there are disabled parents out there too.

It isn’t always fun being in a wheelchair as when there repairs doing to them you are likely to be housebound or needing somebody to help them. It easier for you to walk without hassle. It can be so frustrating not able to go anywhere independently. It nice you get free parking space if you have a permit.

One thing it really pisses me off when people stare at me like I’m the only one they ever seen when their a billion of people in the world

been in a right rant mood recently I thought I do a post on this as it’s really powerful.

I hope you like my post if you want to see more just click subscribe, I’ll appreciate  it.

with love,

you_doodle_2017-05-16t20_15_31z

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Goodbye 2017, Hello 2018.

Hello Everyone,

I hope you all had a great christmas and a new year.

It has been a good few months last time I’ve posted as my mental health haven’t been the best. I had a bad time recently as my manual wheelchair castor came off which I only had it for less than 6 months, still waiting for it to be repaired especially with it being the festive period, the joys being a wheelchair user.

I found out last month somebody I love dearly got cancer, It was hard to accept it first but i will support somebody to kick cancer arse. I’m going to apply the Manchester Half Marathon which is in October. I always wanted to do a marathon since I  was 11 year old and do it for a good cause Macmillan Cancer Support  or Cancer Research UK. I will defiantly will be using my manual often when its repaired and get my arm strength stronger for the marathon.

I haven’t thought about any new year resolutions as I know for a fact I will fail them all, but I know It be another year focusing on myself, make healthy choices (from tomorrow), exercise more often, try my best to think positive (I struggle with this), hopefully i will start physio some point and hopefully I’ll pass my maths and english in summer time.

I had good few memories in 2017 I will never forget –

  • My unicorn tattoo

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    my unicorn tattoo
  •  Beauty and the Beast tattoo21558697_10155380448575971_7918304000927261410_n
  • When I dressed as Belle for Halloween23213396_10155495095825971_8266828415031166286_o
  • Went to Liverpool in September to meet my Idol Tess Holliday (pictures in my last post)
  • I travelled to London on my own it was a great experience
  • Went to see my 2 of my relatives from Birmingham in August with my Dad and sister

I’m really hoping I will do more blog posts, videos and more travelling this year as I’m still young trying to live my life independently.

I hope you all have a safe and peaceful  2018 also don’t give up on your dreams.

funny new year quotes

With love,

 

you_doodle_2017-05-16t20_15_31z

 

Self Love journey

Hello everyone,

It has been a while since I’ve posted anything as I have been busy and done alot of thinking, I am going to discuss about self love.

I’ve always struggled to believe in myself ever since I remember, when I was growing up I went through a lot of abuse, even my mother would put me down quite often for being a big girl and having other issues.

Recently I’m trying to Self Love as I always put everyone else before myself as I like to please people and try my hardest to make them happy. I need to learn I never be a size 8 no matter what how many diets I go, seeing plus size models boosts my confidence and not feeling alone knowing we all come different sizes.

It was a pleasure meeting one of my inspirations Tess Holliday  last month, seeing her makes me accept the fact you don’t need to be a size 8 to be happy and everyone can wear whatever their want even be naked if they wanted.

 

It was actually one of the best days of my life meeting people who are different sizes, I didn’t want the day to end.

 

I’m on a journey to put myself first, focus on my dreams and learn to think positive more often. I go to a support group for survivors every fortnight until February. Hopefully I’ll be a stronger, happier and confident person in next 5 months.

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If people can’t accept and love for who you are, they don’t belong in your life for a reason.

I hope you like my posts, if you do please follow for me, I will appreciate it and will mean alot to me.

 

With Love,you_doodle_2017-05-16t20_15_31z